I started a box. A coin, a boxing glove. And a receipt. When I get back I’ll either continue to fill it or discard these items depending on how our relationship goes
In a matter of just 2 months Bethany became one of the hardest things to leave behind. Foregety got it right when he said it was so hard because she’s so wonderful. I realize that we both have our paths to take but gosh dang it sometimes I feel like I always have to take the harder of the two. I was born for greatness. God has a plan and I fully believe I’m on the brink of the greatest thing he will ever do in my life second to none but the fact that he redeemed me from my sins. I know I can’t let this infatuation I have hold me back even though I want to so badly. I feel uncomfortable because I REALLY don’t want to use the word love but her personality just lights me up.. her self respect and confidence in where she stands with God is unlike any I’ve ever seen. It’s crazy. I’m jumping the gun even though I know I shouldn’t be. I know that someday God will say: “NOW is the time for you to start finding someone to devote yourself to.” But MAN I would like to start now. Or at least have to knowledge that no, she isn’t ready but when she is (however far away that may be) if I’m still in the game that I do have something to work with. I would never ask her to wait but it would be nice if she offered. Who knows. This whole leaving my comfort bubble again is just throwing me all out of whack. I trust God. I do. But gosh it’s a real struggle between my fleshly heart and spiritual thinking. And now I’m sleepy. I’m going to bed tonight with the thought that Idk how much God has used me in her life and I may never will. But at this point I just want him to KEEP using me. But maybe she really isn’t into me and this is his safe guard. I’m really trying to see the warning signs before they’re in hindsight. God, I just need you. Give me the strength I need to continue in your will. And may your will be done in my life even as my heart longs to be with someone who could be in my future or not at all. I place it in your hands
Boy oh boy. Life is about to flip straight on it’s axis! After OBU fell through I really didn’t have any ties to this town anymore but these last few months waiting to leave have happened to tie my heart emotionally to the rink! GREAT! And so now I’m in this dilemma. It’s rough. But you know what? Paths cross when they do for a reason. And I trust paths to cross again. It’s gonna be magical and terrifying!! Ahhh! This is me on the inside all day. Lol goodness I could use some Jesus right now.